martinemonster

aj_stalin wanted us all to go back through our lj´s and honestly review it, then pick out the dullest post and repost it here. I tried, but what I realized was that every year around exams, my lj gets swamped in "I´m stressed out and unfocused" posts that are all equally dull. I cannot decide. They all suck.

Instead, I´m going to re-post my review of this year´s new year´s celebration. It made me feel all fluffy and warm inside. To all you people I´ve been neglecting due to too much work; I still love you guys and will resurface as soon as I´m done!

This Christmas has been a time for the bitter-sweet feelings of suddenly realizing that you've grown up. The lights just aren't that shiny anymore, the gifts under the trees suddenly seem less interesting than spending time with your family around the dinner table, and for the first time in your life, you're not the youngest person, not the center of attention, and maybe, just maybe, that's all right too. But the problem with these feelings are that they're so often accompanied by the fear that nothing will ever be quite that shiny and new again. I look at the people around me, and I see a mess of conflicting feelings, trouble we never talk about because that would be awkward and uncomfortable, unrequited love, and relationships slowly breaking apart. And it all makes me feel like I've grown up, and the woman I grew into, and the world I grew up in, just wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.

And with those sentiments, I decided to go to the same new year's eve party I always go to, with the people closest to me, without expectations. Or, that's not true, I expected it to be slightly awkward since many of us have grown apart, and many of us have spent time abroad this year. But it wasn't.

Instead, it was one of the best new year's eve parties I've ever gone to. The awkwardness didn't happen, the people were nice, my dress was perfect and the food was awesome. The party lasted through the night to the next morning and most of us stayed to the bitter end. And though I know it was just another party, that the change from one year to the next is constructed to make us feel like there's a huge difference between December 31 and January 1 even though it's only really a day, I'm okay with that. I like the pretense. I like that we celebrate the end of one year and the (made up) hopes of a clean slate and new beginnings. Maybe one shouldn't be too quick in admitting to have grown up, if growing up means giving up on your ideas of a fresh start tomorrow?

no subject

The bitter end here being defined as "right up to the tidying had to start". I was up for some thirty consecutive hours that day, nine of them being spent cleaning. I didn't sleep!

But apart from that; yes, it was awesome. And I'm not actually bitter.

Date: 2008-05-06 08:33 am (UTC)

martinemonster.livejournal.com

Well, you know, we did get physically carried off by the menfolk... We were going to help, I promise!

Plus, it must be awesome to have hosted the best new year's party in years?

Date: 2008-05-06 09:13 am (UTC)

My sources tell me "physically carried two yards" by the menfolk, but hey...
grumblegrumblegrumble

Date: 2008-05-06 09:17 am (UTC)

cursed be you and your sources!

Fair enough *bows head* I'm a bad person...

Date: 2008-05-06 10:12 am (UTC)

aj-stalin.livejournal.com

yeah. re-reading this post was rather boring. You pass the test.

Date: 2008-05-06 10:20 am (UTC)

Just think of it this way: it could have been much, much worse. I could have added anywhere between 4 and 70 of my posts about how unfocused I was...

So there!