Do you know what will wake you up in the morning if you're really tired? Going to the dentist and having him poke in your mouth with sharp objects. OMG that's a bad way to start the day. I was all shivery and in need of cigarettes after (but since I quit, and didn't even have the money to pay said dentist who had to print out a bill for me and let me pay later, I couldn't have any cigarettes...life sucks).

But at least I was awake, right? So writing the rest of my lecture should be easy compared to being poked with sharp objects? Wrong. Still unfocused. Still going nowhere. I've written a long introduction, a longer historical back drop and a very, some might say ridiculously, short main part. 2 days to go...

In other news, I don't think I'm going to pay for my lj next year. So I'm saying goodbye to all my sweet sweet icons and will go back to the ad based 15 icons instead. Quality before quantity apparently...

I've realized what my problem is: I need a new image.

I have a tendency to create an image, or a persona, for myself. I then try to live up to that image and the extent to which I succeed in this determines how happy I am and how pleased I am with myself. Yeah, I know, it's probably not healthy or good, but it's what I've been doing for so long. For a good long time now, I've been the successful-young-woman-with-big-goals. The go-getter. The person who manages to juggle jobs and school and organizations and everything and still look great doing it 'cause as you all know; smoking, drinking and wearing pants suits makes everyone look extra hot. Then, I stopped managing to juggle everything, but I didn't manage to change the image. And that's where my problems started. My go-getter persona had a boyfriend, a job, an interesting field of study, a couple of organizations and a schedule to work out every once in a while. But the person I became had very little of that.

So I tried another image on for size. The young-working-sporty-woman-who-cares-about-girly-stuff, the sporty one It sorta worked. I tried (and failed) to quit smoking, started working out and buying shoes, and generally enjoyed the pleasure of doing a meaningless job for money. But then I managed to start smoking again, and I got terribly sick for 5 month which basically fucked up my plans to be a good worker and a sporty person. And to be completely honest, I didn't really like the sporty version anyways. I just wanted to lose weight.

When I went to America, I became the back-packer. Ready to leave everything behind at the drop of a hat, wild and maybe a little bit crazy, driving across a country larger in size than Europe. Able to do anything. And I sorta fell in love with that persona. Part of me wanted to keep working, saving up money so I could continue traveling. Free of care I could go anywhere in the world, anytime, and be happy.

But somehow, when I moved back to Norway, the old version, the go-getter, snuck back in. And suddenly, I'm trying to find stuff to do outside of school so I won't seem like a slacker. Even though I'm not really a slacker. I read and do a lot of school work, in addition to making two larps at once. And I have a social life. When I came back I decided this should be enough, since doing too much makes me stressed and unhappy, but I keep looking for more, feeling inadequate because I'm doing so little.

So I need a new image. Something that will allow me to be happy with what I'm doing right now, and happy with myself while I'm doing it. Any ideas? Preferably it should have a nice catch-phrase and be able to hold it's own against the go-getter, a persona I'm used to and have managed to somehow put on default mode.

This icon is called "tinkerbell". I like her. I actually got my very first novelty mug from grimgram with her face on it. It's awesome.

...again.

So, did I mention to you guys that I was going to Istanbul, but had to skip the trip (paying a 200 dollar penalty fee for skipping it) to be here today to present my first draft of my project? Well, I did, and it burned a hole through my wallet so big that I can't actually eat this month. But hey, I thought, at least I will prove to the teacher (who have so far hardly seen me in class) that I show up for the important stuff and have a great project. But no. He didn't show up. His kids were sick and he had to stay home. I could have gone to Istanbul! That's right world. 1-0 to you.

Then, something weird must have happened to my arm. As I'm sure I've mention at least a thousand times, I have carpal (spelling someone?) tunnel. Well, now it hurts enough that I had to brush my teeth with the wrong hand, which is just annoying. Especially since it turns out; I have to hand in my second draft today! In the battle of the world versus me, the world is now up 2 points.

Then again, I managed to get pretty good comments out of the people who actually showed up for the class, as well as scrape myself an extra day to finish my second draft. And this weekend was awesome, so I guess I'll award myself one point for that. 2-1 in the battle of the world versus me.

But I'll beat you tomorrow world! Just you wait! If it's a war the world wants, it's a war it will get!

This icon is called "Spite." I'm thinking of using it as my default icon for a while.

The World Social Forum (WSF) is an alternative to the World Economic Forum (WEF) and had its first meeting in Porto Alegro in 2001. I am very interested in the WSF as a concept; with no leadership only loosely defined guidelines and the slogan "another world is possible", it attempts to find an alternative to the neoliberalization of the world and the capitalist globalization. At the same time, it wants to discuss different views, and develop bonds between different global and national organizations in order to create agreement as well as potential for future collaboration. All this is good, but there are some problem I see.

1. They have no elected leadership.
On the one hand, I think it's an interesting choice and I think it's commendable that they want to make sure that everyone feels equal in the decision making process and in the organization in itself. On the other hand I have my doubts about the reality of the equality of this type of organizing. It is my experience that attempts at a flatly structured leadership only serve to hide the real leaders and keep people from choosing them in a visible and formal capasity. Instead, you have a situation where informal leaders, who become leaders either because they take control, do more than others, or have the charisma or clout in international society that people will listen to them, have lots of power.

My question to you then becomes: Should they take the difficult, but perhaps necessary, discussion of how to make the voting most democratic, or should they continue on as they have before? Do you see a third alternative?

2.They have no clearly stated goals.
As a meeting place, a place to exchange experiences and connect/collaborate with other organizations, whether national, NGOs or CSOs, the conferance works well. To actually decide on what this "other world" is supposed to be, let alone to find a common ground on which to wage this battle against capitalist, neoliberal society, the forum has as of yet proved lacking.

Where do you think the forum should go today? Are you happy with the service it has rendered so far or do you wish it would bring more actual goals that people could fight for?

Discuss away! I'm actually interested (and it's almost relevant to my masters degree...)

This icon is called "sick barney"

You guys know how I always rant about how I prefere studying at home? I get a lot more done and I'm all by myself so nobody sees me doing all the stupid things I do when I lose my concentration. At least, that's my theory.

Usually, I make sure the curtains are closed before I test if I can stand on my head as long as I lean against a wall (I couldn't. I'm seriously bad at balance stuff. Also, if you plan on trying it at home, take your belt off first. Landing on your finger with a belt buckle is seriously painful). Or try to see how far I can spit a pencil (quite a distance, though not with enough force to go through a sheet of paper). Or make interesting new foods (today it was omelette with feta cheese, or as I'd like to call it; feta cheese with eggs). I of course did the same today, but what I forgot to check was if the window was closed. So there I was, singing Braille by Regina Spektor at the top of my lungs, with the hairbrush-as-a-microphone-cliche of course, when I realized that the construction workers outside had not only stopped digging, but had left their large machines to take a cigarette break, right outside my window.

At least the world could have done me the favour of having the cute construction worker with the ponytail and the large ear rings notice me and think I was cute. He looked more shocked...I'm hoping the look he was going for wasn't mortified, but we'll never know.

This icon is called "Rant"

I was going to write a long post about how nice it is to walk to school in the morning. It's a 45 minute walk, and I always go to school while most regular people drive, or ride the bus or tram to their work, so the streets are all mine. This means I can walk as fast as I want and not have to worry about bumping into strangers or ending up behind moziers (people who like to walk really slowly, called "tuslere" in Norwegian). But, since I've lost the recharger for my creative player, I'm instead going to focus on the fact that I've stopped having the patience I had when I was little.

When I was young, I would be prone to walk all by myself, exploring woods and streets and apartment buildings for hours on end. Every part of the world was an exciting new adventure and I needed no company or music to keep me from being bored. I tried to duplicate this feeling my taking a different route to school when I used up the last precious minutes of batteries left on my player, but instead of being an adventure, I found it to be a tiresome and time consuming way of reaching my school. I started trying to walk faster just to get there earlier and not having to spend more time in my own company than strictly necessary. And it's weird because normally I like spending time with me. But normally I also have something to occupy part of my brain, like music.

So my question to you guys is: Do you feel that as you grew up you lost the ability to enjoy just walking by yourself? Do you need constant entertaining to keep yourself occupied enough to enjoy the simple joy of walking (or studying)? And if so, why do you think that is? I'm seriously curious...

This icon is called "oh bloody hell"

Yeah, that's right! I'm so pleased!

In other news, I'm reading history and doing all my chores...I'm being good even though the motivation is still lacking. A week of this and I'll probably be back to my old game of loving the student life. I hope. 3 articles read so far today.

Oh, and I just re-discovered Deftones. Good times.

This icon is called "me pink"

I knew I was on my way home the moment I heard two Norwegians talking in Heathrow airport. They complained about the prizes of passports and how everything was too expensive in Norway. Then I got off the plane in Oslo, another couple complained about the state of the stairs. And finally, when I tried smiling to the security guards, brainwashed by the smiling American people, they frowned and looked extra closely at my luggage. And that's when I knew I was home.

Yes everybody, I'm back in the country.

Then, of course, my mom met me and hugged me and gave me dinner. The next day I came back to Oslo and got drunk and happy with aj_stalin and Eivind and today I'm trying to get into the whole studying thing and it's working halfway. So all in all, I'm happy to be home. But, you know, I wouldn't be Norwegian if I couldn't find a way to focus on the bad parts to justify my need to complain, would I?

This icon is called "lost", and it fits surprisingly well with how I feel at my university right now. But soon, my friends, I will remember how good it is to be here studying and will stop feeling out of place and disconnected, I'm sure (I hope...)

I'm soon to be going home. Sad, since my last two weeks here in the US have been absolutely amazing. Good, because I think this school year is going to be really exciting. I've decided to try and live off the student loan alone when I get home. It'll be tight, but I will have a lot of time to catch up with all the schoolwork I haven't been doing while here in the US. I think it'll be good.

In other news, I think there's a couple of months since I've had the pleasure of doing one of these meme's and posting the results here. ( interesting, neh? )

This icon is called "lee" and it's one of my favorites. I use it way to little...

I'm back in California everyone. For some strange reason it feels sorta like home. I like it here. I'm visiting chesire monkey and abigor, and I'm watching them play guitar hero right now. Nice people. I'm tired of travelling around, and part of me is really looking forward to coming home again.

I have to return your videos before I go home badgerbag, and it would be nice to see you guys again. And I think I might like to go up in the wine country before I leave this place.

(Og alle var enige om at det hadde vaert en fin tur)

This icon is called: "Jensen trouble"