martinemonster

Going to see how posting my daily thoughts and musings here rather than on Facebook works out. Might even personalize my blog a bit and add some creative writing pieces to it. No promises though!

This does not mean that I will stop posting at livejournal, but I'm checking this out and seeing how I can make it work for me.

If you're on dreamwidth look me up! martinemonster is my name.

I'm here, hunched over my books, so tired of studying that I don't know what to do. Even though it feels to me like I'm hiding my complete stressed-out-madness from the world, I have been told that this is not the case. So now I'll be hiding from the world until Tuesday. Wish me luck flist. I really need it!

Ever sit with a book full of sentences that are so dull that they lose all meaning to you?

*dying here*

I've been studying for enough years now to know my habits pretty well. When exams are approching and it's time for crunch, first my flight or fight instinct kicks in and I start dreaming of going to far off places; bicycling to India, jumping on a plane without checking the destination, you get the picture. This year, I offset this by deciding to go with my parents to New York in the fall.

The trouble with me, however, is that when I offset the need to be elsewhere by actually planning something, my brain instantly switches over to procrastrination mode and starts looking for a project. This can only be offset by there not being any viable projects that I actually want to do.

One such easily countered potential project was the reorganizing of my wardrobe. It entails moving the shelves and is basically deemed too much trouble. Therefore I could go back to reading. But then I looked out on my terrasse. It was basically undecorated, with old, white patio furniture which showed signs of aging. And I know it couldn't be that much trouble to buy new furniture and, more importantly, the reward this project would be clearly visible and almost instant. My brain started bubbling with ideas. And the minute that happens, it's too late. Nomatter how much I try to focus on my curriculum after that point, it just can't be done. So yesterday, I re-furnished my terrasse.

( pictures! )

You are all invited to see it in person of course. I promise it's awesome!

Do you know that feeling of shame mixed with pleasure you get when you satisfy an urge you know is wrong? I'm not talking about your secret pleasure for biting your nails, I mean that hardcore bad stuff like bestiality, scat or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the musical? I imagine that people who have these urges but refuse to satisfy them for reasons unknown, might get dreams where they take part in their favorite vice and then get deeply shamed afterwards.

Speaking of, last night I had a dream that I was just going to throw away the leftovers of a giant chocolate cake (basically looking like the cake in Mathilda). I figured I'd just take a small bite of it, and then I couldn't stop and ate the whole thing. I felt immensely, almost sexually, satisfied before realizing that what I did had been wrong and I woke up with a feeling of deep shame and guilt. It took me about 5 minutes to figure out why I was feeling so bad.

Yesterday was my first full day of preparing for my exam in the history of Western Economic History (which is looming in my immediate future). It went excellent. 140pages read and understood. I felt positively on top of everything.

Today, however, I overslept. Then, I started reading articles like Richard Tilly's "German Banking 1850-1914" with lovely sentences like:

According to the "Mean-Variance"-theory, wealthholders with a given risk-yield preference (conventionally expressed as α) will reach equilibrium by fulfilling the conditions expressed in the following equation: and then follows a 28 character equation which I can't even find the symbols to replicate here, including 3 different Greek letters and Lagrange mulitpliers and what not else.

Thank you world. So far I've gotten through 30 pages. *sigh*

It seems like people are getting married all over the place this summer, and I've yet to get invited to anything barring a drunken invitation to the wedding of a guy I once fucked, but until I see that invitation in writing, I'm not counting on it. It makes me feel a bit cheated. So if you're getting married, won't you invite me? I promise not to get uncharmingly drunk and barf on the cake, and I will bring a present and wear a pretty dress.

I felt a little bad about bugging my professor after 11pm on the 1st of May, but I figured he wouldn't check his email until Monday so I'd just have to wait patiently for my reply. But he answered within the hour. Guess I'm not the only one working late on a national holiday.

*hearts my professor*

It's eight o'clock over here in Norway and I'm already up and studying. This would so not have happened during winter, but now that spring is here with sun and light mornings I feel like I've slept in if I sleep till 7.30. Okay, so I'm not dressed and I haven't had my coffee yet, but I am reading this blasted file I'll have to return by 10.30.

Have a lovely day everyone!