The most horrid and gruesom tale of the trip to IKEA

As I am sure most of you already know, IKEA is both a place of wonder and of dark and mysterious things. It is not a place one enters without good cause, but since I had a quest (furniture and curtains) I believed that this would be enough. You see, a trip to IKEA holds many dangers, and not only to ones pocketbook, but also to ones mind. I have found that there are three stages in the lures of IKEA: First, Stage one, "wonderment". The questing agent will be overcome with the sheer size and amount of things actually there. If one does not catch oneself and make sure one keep focus already at this stage, it might already be too late, for stage two is harder to fight. Stage two, "euphoria". The questing agent gets side-tracked from his/her quest by all the easy, cheap, beautiful, funny (and so forth) things inside this seeming wonderland and starts buying randomly. This leads our hero to lose sight of the target and will keep him inside the beast that is IKEA long enough to have to face: Stage three, "panic, confusion, desperation". I must confess gentle readers, that I let myself succumb to stage two of the IKEA experience, and was trapped in there as so many others. Suddenly, nomatter where I tried to go, I ended up in the Markethall, seemingly like being trapped inside a video game with no save function so that every time you take a wrong turn, you end up at the beginning again. On the second floor I realized that they had marked the way to the exit with arrows on the floor, but before long I realized the truth; this was IKEAs way of mocking me. Of trying to get me to go through every room I had already visited yet again. I left the path to find my own way out of this maze and ended up in the self-serve warehouse. Now, the signs told me that this was the way to check-out point, but since there was only one way in there, and four ways out (I kid you not, that place is like a magical maze), finding my way was even more difficult now that I had hopes of survival. As my hopes slowly gave way to my final resignation though, there they were. The final frontier. People who were going to take my money and let me walk out of this hellhole. I got there, I was in line, when my friend turned to me and said "I still haven't gotten that lamp," and I had to turn back with her. For, gentle readers, we all know that the saying "leave no man behind", is most important in situations like these.

No more IKEA EVER! (or until next time I have to move probably)