( May. 4th, 2009 03:41 pm)
I'm unwrapping porn today and the strangest thing is happening. People have started lingering by the counter after coming up from the basement (where we have all the porn that's for sale, over 6000 titles), asking if we're going to get new titles. I tell them the truth, that all the new titles have already been presented in the "new"-section downstairs. They eye the box next to me. I tell them that these movies are old titles that have already been shown downstairs. They linger. I tell them that they can feel free to look through it and they throw themselves at it as if it was the holy grail of porn. As if this one box will hold something much greater than what they were able to find downstairs.

They then buy the movies they brought up from the basement. As I told them, these movies are old.
I guy just came in, pointed towards our magazine of personal ads (mostly for prostitutes), gave me 3 bags, made high beeping noises and pointed towards the basement where we have all the porn.

I did the only thing I could think of. I took his bags, nodded in a calming way and made a suggestive wave towards the basement and off he went. I wonder what he's gonna buy.

Update: He bought 3 ridiculously dull straight pornos. I'm a little disappointed.
( Mar. 26th, 2009 12:25 pm)
In Big Love we were told that it's easy for people who grew up in polygamy to slide back into it. The same, it seems, is true for working in a porn store. That's right people, I thought I'd moved on, leaving Duo Shop behind me, but it was not the case.

It's weird. I haven't been here for nearly three years, but not much has changed. I'm sitting on the same chair, avoiding putting price tags on the same brands of movies and drinking coffee from the same coffee shop. The people working here are new though, and we have a new cash register. But other than that, it's all the same.

So far I'm a little bored, but I'm sure the slow pace will actually be good for me. After all, I've gotten used to working under extreme pressure and having a stress level like noone I know. It will be nice to get used to the slow pace of this store.
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( Jun. 13th, 2006 04:43 pm)
Dark deeds by shady underworld villians,
a criminal gluttony of beauty, desire and sex.
Welcome to Sex City, a city of sin and temptation,
a city that never sleeps powered by lust and
protectred by unlikely heroes!


We all knew it would happen, but now I see how true it is. Sin City had to be turned into a porno. A rather good one by the looks of it. Anyone wanna watch it with me? Hopefully it will be to Sin City what the Penetrator was to the Terminator. Damned hilarious!
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I just realized that I was in fact prejudice against men. I have no illusions about men, I believe that no matter how gross a porno, somewhere in this world a man is willing to buy it. But today, when this sweet little girl came in and bought four pornos with old ladies and anal sex (yes old ladies getting it in the ass) I was actually shocked. And that's when I realized that no matter how disillusioned I thought I was with humankind, my disillusioness was with the male half of humankind. Luckily for me this situation is now remedied and I no longer harbor any illusions whatsoever. I honestly believe that if I walk down the street and notice you, the odds are good that you get turned on by jerking off into a bowl full of live insects. Because that's the kind of world we live in.
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( May. 14th, 2006 12:35 pm)
The umphteenth guy asked me if we had a computerized system for our pornos so that I could check whether or not we have this or that specific movie. Why can't they get that the only way we could have that would be if we had structure? I mean, what do they expect? For your information, we did try it once, but it fucked up in a matter of days and we were back to having no idea what movies we had, except that we had to do four more things before we could put the pornos in the shelves. It took several weeks before the project was abandoned, but then there was much rejoicing.

Also, my mom came by the store today. She was great about it, gave me the things she had to give me, took a quick look around, and said: "I'm glad I could come by before you quit cause I wanted to see where you worked". I love my mom. I however, was very much embarrassed. I mean, sex toys and my mom just don't mesh, you know? Of course it was a little extra embarrassing when she asked what was in the basement, but when I told her it was pornos she didn't even seem surprised. I guess my mom understands more than I tell her...
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( May. 12th, 2006 01:28 am)
[livejournal.com profile] aj_stalin came by today and we had great fun. We made pancakes and watched a porno called "The Plant", which, even though it was a slow starter, eventually turned out to be just as hilarious as expected.

the plant, a short summary )

My only problem was that after the movie, my boyfriend called and we got into a big conversation on apartments, and when I was done everybody had gone to bed and I was the only one awake... Now I feel like a bastard who was really unsocial...(and I know you're going to read this aina and marthe, so please please don't hate me for my unsocialness...)

Night night all!
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Worlds greatest porntitles 2006:

1.Dragxina -queen of the underworld

Reason: Well, its obvious isn't it. Hilarious!

2.Lady of the rings

Reason: Tasteful yet funny. Also, I want to see these "hibbits"

3.Anal Academy -mein erstes Fick-Diplom

If I had the opportunity to take a diploma in fucking, I'd be naked on a cover too...

By the way: Dresden Dolls will be playing at the Cathouse in Glasgow 5.5.2006. Anyone wanna come with???
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( Feb. 26th, 2006 02:49 pm)
I wish I had some illusions left, but at the end of the day I have come to grips with the fact that everyone buys porn. Today, the man who only a year ago read my palm, claimed that he only took my money to give it to a poor family in India and told me that if I wasn't a Christian I should feed the pigeons in the park so that their prayers for me would reach God, bought "talented amatueres 4." With no recognition in his eyes he looked at me, looked at the pictures on the wall behind me, asked if they were of me, told me they looked good with a sleazy smile, and bought porn. I feel old...
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( Jan. 18th, 2006 03:23 am)
Since I feel that it is important to learn at least one new thing every day, I give you todays knowledge:

Tody , whilst I was unwrapping plastic covered pornos at the store, I realised that the world of porn has taken a lesson from the world of videogames. P.O.V. pornos. This is the porno version of FPS (first person shooter). Interesting, sexy and fun, except for all the cumshots of course. I wonder if people actually point their dicks at the screen and try to match the speed of the dick in the porno, just to get the right feel?

Todays knowledge. Brought to you by the martinemonster.
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( Jan. 14th, 2006 11:00 am)
I think I just did it, I think I finally saw something I will not recover from. The shock and horror still grips me as I'm writing this to you, giving you this fair warning: Do not start working in a porn store. Forget everything I've ever told you about nice coworkers and slack hours, what I'm about to tell you calls all that into question. Why, oh why should you not work in a porn store, you might ask yourselves. Well, because you might encounter the faulest porno known to man, or at least known to Martine. I mean, is it just me or can we all agree that if it is one pop-cultural figure that should not be portrayed in a porno its IT? The clown with the icky hands that likes to scare children to death and then eat their souls, and somebody thought: Hey lets make a porno staring this guy??? Oh God!
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The feeling of immense tiredness, light like lazerbeams trying to pierce my brain through my eyes, amazingly ugly (yet comfortable) clothes, and a need for silence that will not be fulfilled, this is definitely a Sunday to remember.

I feel like a caricature of a hung over person, and I hate it. The day started with an intense need for water at 7am. Then the bells started chiming at 9.30 telling me to get up. At 10.20 I was in the shower. This stage I choose to call the "ggllaaawbwl"-stage because that is about as much sense anyone can get out of me at that time, including myself which led to my putting my deodorant in the refrigerator and almost brushing my teeth with my neighbors tooth-brush.

The next stage ensues after a bit of food and drink has been consumed. I call this stage the "I hate my life and everything in it, especially my work"-stage because my irritation and general bad-feelingness often results in these frustrations. I got on the subway and down to my work where the dreaded stage three ensued. I call it the paranoia-stage. Moving towards my job, I realized that the coffee-shop next to my store seemed to be open, and they do not open till 12 on Sundays. Thus, my reaction was to slowly bus surely realize that it could very well be 12.30 and not 11.30, and I might have lost an hour to something, or looked at my watch wrong. "Oh, God I'm gonna be fired for failing to open up the store" I thought running inside and realizing that of course I had not lost an hour, and I was right on time. Next paranoia attack: Maybe there's someone in the store. My lack of eyesight due to immense drinkage yesterday made it seem like someone was walking at the back end of the store, and it sounded like it as well. Maybe I'm not alone...which, of course I was.

The aftermath of this naturally led to stage four: the stage of apathy. I cannot be bothered to get up to vacuum the store, I cannot be bothered to clean behind the counter, I am just going to sit here and shake a bit, staring at this way to bright screen until the feeling of badness goes away.
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( Jul. 1st, 2005 06:11 pm)
I realize that I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about the Norwegian population's sexual drive from working in a porn store, not to mention that I've gotten a frightful amount of information about porno. But today, whilst I was trying to sort out two boxes of new pornflicks, a couple came into the store. Now, I'm used to a lot of weird stuff where I work: People who are frightfully happy in hope of not seeming embarrassed, embarrassed couples, scary angry customers, but prior to today I had yet to meet the "blatantly obvious that even though we have placed ourselves in a sexual position in a public place, we are using it to get attention and not because it is sexy"-couple. The were perhaps 20 years old, very much goth, and very much aware of how difficult it is to act normally around people who are literally on a leash. Now I have nothing against people who wish to express their sexuality in a public forum, even though I have difficulties dealing with it, but the "blatantly obvious that even though we have placed ourselves in a sexual position in a public place, we are using it to get attention and not because it is sexy"-couple did not choose to do this because it turned them on, but because, as priorly mentioned, they wanted to get attention. Now, I'm not going to say anything against people who use violently obvious methods of getting attention, I do however balk when they use me as a tool. The leash-holder turned to me and promply said: "I need bondage-tape 'cause this girl is getting tied up", and then led her around the store as if he was on display. Then he told me how she had a tendency to bite. Now how can I say this clearly: I do not need to know, I do not want to know and most importantly I refuse to blush in front of strangers.

Is it so that people feel that it is okay to introduce me to their sexuality because I work in a porn store? or is it just that people like these need to see people get embarrassed and flustered? I hate it when I don't know what to say, and this situastion was definitely one of those. It included a lot of nodding and smiling and silent cursing. Some days the money is not worth the hassel at my work...maybe if I grew a mean-streak I could use it to get back at people like that by saying stuff like: If you are afraid that noone will notice you if you do not have a leash on your girlfriend you can relax, because your flabby appearance is impossible to miss...
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